..like arguing with a brick wall.

David often makes fun of me for questions of taste due to our ten-year age gap: television, music, popular culture. He blares Crowded House; I jam to Sister Hazel. There’s something I’ve learned from David, however, that I can attribute partially to David’s calm demeanor but also, I believe, to the age gap.

We had gone swimming one day two weeks ago at our community pool and as I was doing laps, weaving between groups of children and families, I began thinking about the results of the hearing that was to take place on Thursday, July 21. A small Board would determine if David should be allowed to take the bar exam. David has worked so hard for as long as he was IN prison, but would that matter after his criminal past? Was he worried? What if what he’s accomplished isn’t good enough?

I thought earlier of an “argument” I’d had with someone about something stupid. It was actually an internet argument, which is even dumber. I was talking about me as a mother and something I would never do, and he’d said, “Oh you’ll see..” And I got so irritated and wanted to argue with him about whether or not I’d end up doing that particular thing. Mid-argument, I just stopped. I put my phone down and hopped into the pool for a swim.

As David and I were both drying off, I turned to him and said, “Can I share a revelation with you? And don’t make fun of me for just now realizing it, either!” He laughed. I continued, “You know how I like to argue with people? I mean even about something stupid, I just always want to be right. I will argue until I’m blue in the face, even if it is completely obvious from the get-go that they are not going to agree with me.” He nodded, knowing this all too well. “Well, I’ve thought of something. If the argument is based on me or my life, why do I argue about it? The best thing to do is to shut up, walk away, and do what I say I’m going to do. Then I can look back and say, ‘See? I told you I was going to _________!’ Instead of engaging someone in a pointless battle, I should spend my time proving my point based on actions.” David hugged me and told me I was exactly right. Boy, was I preaching to the choir on this one.

I got yet more perspective on this attitude today as I saw VERY few – I’m talking 2 or 3 out of hundreds – negative responses to David’s story on CBS. One person on the CBS website even proved my point exactly by saying, “Let's see where he is 20 years from now.” As I read the comment, I thought to myself, “Umm.. Ok. Call me in 20 years. Email me. Please do.” I don’t have a doubt in my mind that I won’t be saying the same things, but with more years to back it up. If I didn’t think so, I wouldn’t be married to this man. I wouldn’t have moved 200 miles away from the people I’m closest to to be with him. And I sure as hell wouldn’t be having his child. But what is there to do in response to a negative comment like this? Start an internet war? I mean what could I do to prove to someone who does not know me, but saw a synopsis of my husband's journey for nine minutes? Nothing. All we can do is continue down a good and honorable path and know that with each new accomplishment, another negative comment is being stricken from our record.

It is such a futile exercise to engage someone in an argument. I know that with Facebook and other internet forums, it’s so easy to just swipe across some letters on your phone and hit “Post.” I know this all too well because I just love to go into battle to prove a point to someone who does not believe me, does not like me, does not want to hear anything but their point of view, or flat out just wants to argue. Apparently I want some sort of crown or certificate for "winning." But there is no need for all of that. While others are wasting valuable time arguing, just stop, walk away and do what you say you’re going to do. Prove your point by your actions. In 20 years, it will all come out in the wash.